Q: Why isn't dog litter a thing?*
A: Because any creature that eats its own poop, realizes what it tastes like, then eats its own poop again cannot care too much about the cleanliness of poop.
*I know that it exists, but it is not widely used, nor will it ever be.
In sports news, THE HORNETS BEAT THE WARRIORS!!! 1-0 baby!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
To Sophie
I've got a cat on my lap. She is sleeping when she is not trying to eat my fingers.
Can't you see I need these fingers to type to everyone I know, Cat? No, you are asleep, and you have no idea what a blog even is. You just know how to yell whenever you enter or leave a room and eat. You are a lazy hunter, and that is why you are gaining weight. Because you don't like to run after the cat toy. You just sleep all day, then all night, eat, and you never want to chase your toy. I didn't want to say it - none of us did - but we think it's time for you to go on a diet of Diet Cat Food.
But that is for another day. For now you are sleeping like an adorable Cat Angel on my lap, and you get a free pass for being lazy, because you are so cute and precious.
The Cat candle burns at both ends, Sophie, and I am powerless.
Can't you see I need these fingers to type to everyone I know, Cat? No, you are asleep, and you have no idea what a blog even is. You just know how to yell whenever you enter or leave a room and eat. You are a lazy hunter, and that is why you are gaining weight. Because you don't like to run after the cat toy. You just sleep all day, then all night, eat, and you never want to chase your toy. I didn't want to say it - none of us did - but we think it's time for you to go on a diet of Diet Cat Food.
But that is for another day. For now you are sleeping like an adorable Cat Angel on my lap, and you get a free pass for being lazy, because you are so cute and precious.
The Cat candle burns at both ends, Sophie, and I am powerless.
Monday, October 27, 2008
TGIM
You heard me right. It's Monday, and Thank God It's. The last week of this Month of our Lord October. Every day is like Friday when you don't have a job, except you don't get paid every day like you do on Friday, if you get paid every week, and payday is Friday.
Got this house party coming up on Friday, then we have to get ready real quick for our real show in 2.5 weeks.
This bores me, plus I've already said it in the blog.
I was thinking that the blog might be the ideal form for me since I rarely have any creative ideas that last more than a couple paragraphs before I don't know where to take them anymore. I've finished one short story in the last 3 years, and it's 4.5 pages long. I think writing songs suits me better, cuz there's only like 3 or 4 minutes to worry about then it's over. It's a more manageable length of time. I don't understand how people write novels.
Only about 100 pages left in Moby-Dick, or The Whale. Just leafing through and looking at some of the chapter titles, it's looking like Melville is trying to get all the exposition in before getting to the final actions. It's actually really exciting to read, like he wants to include all this informational stuff about whaling but he is growing a bit impatient himself and wants to reach his glorious encounter.
Another thing that might stop people from reading the book is this: Not too much happens, but it's very long. Thus, the language to describe the action must be very dense. It's intimidating. It's not like The Old Man and the Sea, where not a lot happens and it's not very long, and the language is very direct. It's very easy to lose yourself while reading Moby-Dick, and, in thinking about a certain sentence, completely gloss over a page before you realize you haven't processed what you've read. An altogether interesting reading experience.
This post (not funny) was brought to you by a bored unemployed man.
Got this house party coming up on Friday, then we have to get ready real quick for our real show in 2.5 weeks.
This bores me, plus I've already said it in the blog.
I was thinking that the blog might be the ideal form for me since I rarely have any creative ideas that last more than a couple paragraphs before I don't know where to take them anymore. I've finished one short story in the last 3 years, and it's 4.5 pages long. I think writing songs suits me better, cuz there's only like 3 or 4 minutes to worry about then it's over. It's a more manageable length of time. I don't understand how people write novels.
Only about 100 pages left in Moby-Dick, or The Whale. Just leafing through and looking at some of the chapter titles, it's looking like Melville is trying to get all the exposition in before getting to the final actions. It's actually really exciting to read, like he wants to include all this informational stuff about whaling but he is growing a bit impatient himself and wants to reach his glorious encounter.
Another thing that might stop people from reading the book is this: Not too much happens, but it's very long. Thus, the language to describe the action must be very dense. It's intimidating. It's not like The Old Man and the Sea, where not a lot happens and it's not very long, and the language is very direct. It's very easy to lose yourself while reading Moby-Dick, and, in thinking about a certain sentence, completely gloss over a page before you realize you haven't processed what you've read. An altogether interesting reading experience.
This post (not funny) was brought to you by a bored unemployed man.
Friday, October 24, 2008
The Road
Just hunkered down for the day and read The Road by Cormac McCarthy. Bleak, post-apocalyptic, at times downright frightening, and pretty damn amazing. Right up my alley, really. The best part of humanity struggling in the face of all odds imaginable, including the worst part of humanity. Really amazing. More grit, resourcefulness, and will than I have, for sure.
Anyway, as if Oprah's recommendation hasn't sold it to you all, I'm throwing in mine as well. Watch as the sales boom.
Anyway, as if Oprah's recommendation hasn't sold it to you all, I'm throwing in mine as well. Watch as the sales boom.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Question of the Day
Q: How many brides who shared names with the women listed in Lou Bega's Mambo #5 played that song at their wedding in 1999/2000 and got too excited when he said their name?
A: Quite a few, I'd guess.
On a side note, I bet Lou Bega is a goddamn creep.
A: Quite a few, I'd guess.
On a side note, I bet Lou Bega is a goddamn creep.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Revelation
Look closely at this picture of former Soviet dictator Josef Stalin:
Now take a look at 1/2 of Mr. Show, comedian Bob Odenkirk:
Now look at my poor photoshop skills - do you see what I see?
They kind of look like each other!
The trip to the career lady went ok. No real leads. Looks like I actually have to try to find a job still. Damn.
Now take a look at 1/2 of Mr. Show, comedian Bob Odenkirk:
Now look at my poor photoshop skills - do you see what I see?
They kind of look like each other!The trip to the career lady went ok. No real leads. Looks like I actually have to try to find a job still. Damn.
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