A conversation.

"He's a growing boy, he needs his protein!" said the anthropomorphic cartoon jar of peanut butter, emphasizing his point by slapping his anthropomorphic cartoon bottle of jelly across the face again. He was justifying his place of dominance in their sandwiches.

For the fifth time this month, the bottle of jelly secretly vowed to leave her abusive husband, but the truth was that she had a tough psychological life which made her more sexually attracted to him the more brutal he was. The sandwiches they made were just too good to leave him. But she made empty threats anyway.

"I know about you and that young anthropomorphic cartoon plastic squeeze bottle of strawberry jam from your office, why don't you go off and made your easy sandwiches together you bastard!"

"Maybe I will!" said the jar of peanut butter, who then stormed out the door and slammed it behind him.

"He'll be back," she whispered. "Grape jelly is the best thing for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich." Even though it was true, it rang false in her ears and as she sobbed herself to sleep in their anthropomorphic cartoon pantry-house, she could envision of the sounds of strawberry jam being spread over her husband's body by a tired housewife before her children went to school.

The end

NOTE Domestic violence is not funny unless it's done by anthropomorphic cartoon food. Also, what the hell is wrong with me?

LeVar Burton

I was thinking of doing a joke about LeVar Burton's career, like "Mr. Burton, you've been in at least 2 tv shows. Which 2 roles would you like to be remembered for?" Then he'd say "Star Trek and Reading Rainbow." This was a joke on how he was only in 2 things. Then I saw that he was basically the main guy in "Roots" back in the day, and I felt like an asshole. Sorry, LeVar. Your career has some credibility.

Misunderstood?