Questionne

Q: Why isn't dog litter a thing?*

A: Because any creature that eats its own poop, realizes what it tastes like, then eats its own poop again cannot care too much about the cleanliness of poop.

*I know that it exists, but it is not widely used, nor will it ever be.


In sports news, THE HORNETS BEAT THE WARRIORS!!! 1-0 baby!

To Sophie

I've got a cat on my lap. She is sleeping when she is not trying to eat my fingers.

Can't you see I need these fingers to type to everyone I know, Cat? No, you are asleep, and you have no idea what a blog even is. You just know how to yell whenever you enter or leave a room and eat. You are a lazy hunter, and that is why you are gaining weight. Because you don't like to run after the cat toy. You just sleep all day, then all night, eat, and you never want to chase your toy. I didn't want to say it - none of us did - but we think it's time for you to go on a diet of Diet Cat Food.

But that is for another day. For now you are sleeping like an adorable Cat Angel on my lap, and you get a free pass for being lazy, because you are so cute and precious.


The Cat candle burns at both ends, Sophie, and I am powerless.

TGIM

You heard me right. It's Monday, and Thank God It's. The last week of this Month of our Lord October. Every day is like Friday when you don't have a job, except you don't get paid every day like you do on Friday, if you get paid every week, and payday is Friday.

Got this house party coming up on Friday, then we have to get ready real quick for our real show in 2.5 weeks.

This bores me, plus I've already said it in the blog.

I was thinking that the blog might be the ideal form for me since I rarely have any creative ideas that last more than a couple paragraphs before I don't know where to take them anymore. I've finished one short story in the last 3 years, and it's 4.5 pages long. I think writing songs suits me better, cuz there's only like 3 or 4 minutes to worry about then it's over. It's a more manageable length of time. I don't understand how people write novels.

Only about 100 pages left in Moby-Dick, or The Whale. Just leafing through and looking at some of the chapter titles, it's looking like Melville is trying to get all the exposition in before getting to the final actions. It's actually really exciting to read, like he wants to include all this informational stuff about whaling but he is growing a bit impatient himself and wants to reach his glorious encounter.

Another thing that might stop people from reading the book is this: Not too much happens, but it's very long. Thus, the language to describe the action must be very dense. It's intimidating. It's not like The Old Man and the Sea, where not a lot happens and it's not very long, and the language is very direct. It's very easy to lose yourself while reading Moby-Dick, and, in thinking about a certain sentence, completely gloss over a page before you realize you haven't processed what you've read. An altogether interesting reading experience.

This post (not funny) was brought to you by a bored unemployed man.

The Road

Just hunkered down for the day and read The Road by Cormac McCarthy. Bleak, post-apocalyptic, at times downright frightening, and pretty damn amazing. Right up my alley, really. The best part of humanity struggling in the face of all odds imaginable, including the worst part of humanity. Really amazing. More grit, resourcefulness, and will than I have, for sure.

Anyway, as if Oprah's recommendation hasn't sold it to you all, I'm throwing in mine as well. Watch as the sales boom.

Jobs

Just had an interview here.

More as it develops.

Did I tell you guy(s?) that the band is playing here on November 12?

Whatever!

Question of the Day

Q: How many brides who shared names with the women listed in Lou Bega's Mambo #5 played that song at their wedding in 1999/2000 and got too excited when he said their name?

A: Quite a few, I'd guess.

On a side note, I bet Lou Bega is a goddamn creep.

Revelation

Look closely at this picture of former Soviet dictator Josef Stalin:

Now take a look at 1/2 of Mr. Show, comedian Bob Odenkirk:
Now look at my poor photoshop skills - do you see what I see?They kind of look like each other!

The trip to the career lady went ok. No real leads. Looks like I actually have to try to find a job still. Damn.

My Career!

This morning I am meeting with the career office at my old college to try to get my work life in order. What I expect from this meeting:

ME: So, this economy is pretty much boned, can you find a job that I like that requires my specific skill set?

THE LADY AT THE CAREER OFFICE: I hear there is an opening for Vomit-After-Too-Much-Free-Cheese Cleaner at the Whole Foods near you?

So those are pretty low expectations.

In all seriousness, though, I don't know what this woman is going to tell me, but I can only hope it's stuff that I haven't already been doing. That would be disheartening.

THE LADY AT THE CAREER OFFICE: Yeah your best bet is just to check craigslist like a fiend and apply for anything you're qualified for, and some stuff that you're not.

ME: (Aside) Dammit.

I'll keep you posted.

Fall Time

It is fall here, first fall in three years for this guy, and it feels great. The lady just made up a delicious breakfast of French toast that is already feeling like an awesome lifelong recipe for comforting days.

Let's see if I can find an interesting picture to put up. On my blog.

Here's a good one:

Jess and I went to Maui with her parents a couple years ago, and this is me and her watching the sunset from the condo we stayed at. Awesome.

Here is another sunset, this time from a restaurant we were eating at. Maui again. Awesome again.

Hmm. Those pictures don't have anything to do with fall. Let's see.

Here we go. Sort of. On the way to my bro's rehearsal dinner in Massachusetts. We missed peak leaf season by a couple weeks, but it still felt good.

This post is not funny. Too bad. Deal with it.

Finished the game

Just finished the whole stupid game.

You can see how he leans forward to land the jump.

My ass is still asleep.

Another follow up

Oh would you look at that, I could have turned the bad music off at any point. Now I can race through this junkyard listening to The Band.

Follow up post.

dammit i hate when the "difficulty" of a bad game is based on not being able to tell the background of the game from the actual playing area so you crash your hummer into a brick wall that you thought you were driving past dammit.

I will never ride a motorcycle in real life.

Okay so I play all those awful 2D side scrolling "Motorcycle" or "Offroad" or "Truckyard" or whatever games on addicting games. Like this one. Anyway, I play them all, I am playing one right now, and I really don't know why I play them all. They are so bad, the music is so bad. I guess something about the physics (sort of) of landing tricks in a motorcycle makes sense to me, even when applied completely unnessarily to hummers and jeeps and stuff.

Lean forward to land that trick!

I was also really into this game for a long time, and in fact it is a great game. Oh shit no way Wikipedia says there's a sequel, maybe that's what I was into. Or I have to buy it. No I was definitely into the sequel never mind.

My cat has taken two naps on my lap today while I've been on the computer and both times my ass has fallen asleep because I don't want to move and wake her up.

Back to bad offroad in-browser games peace.

The Best* Post Ever

I've spent at least 11 days crafting this fantastic post I'm about to drop on you guys

Ready?

#%error%#

#%there_has_been_an_error_you_guys!%#

#%it_seems_like_nick_got_a_bit_drunk_a_bit_too_
early_in_the_night_and_is_now_going_to_spend_
time_with_his_lady_before_turning_in_too_early_
for_a_saturday%#

What was that?

On a separate note, did you guys see that blogger now understands what default font means? I'm in Courier now without having to do anything!

Great! Another trip to the ol' orchard today, delicious goddamn cider.

Adios.



*maybe not the best in history, but pretty good right?